got phobias?

i have many phobias im not entirely proud of...flying, bridges (not the concrete variety but the archy metal over the top kind), mice, fixed heights (as in the ledge/edge or overlook of anything) and commitment. interestingly enough, the only phobia that keeps me from living out my days to the fullest is my commitment phobia. while most people i know feel over committed, i seem to hang out in the world of the under committed. i feel like the vast majority of my time (at least in the waking hours) is spoken for by two very needy (albeit downright sweet and adorable) little people and the time that isnt theirs is ours (the family that is). parting with any of this time is as easy as giving up my morning pot of joy.

i would no more let my fear of flying keep me from seeing the world or a fear of heights keep me from experiencing the thrill of sky diving than i would let myself pass the hot donuts now sign at krispy kreme, but commitment? thats another story. i let it keep me from experiencing things all the time. i can sugar coat it under the guise of 'protective of my family time' or 'prioritizing whats best for my family', but the truth of the matter is i just dont like committing too much of MY time too far in advance. i like giving one time donations, hosting one time events, attending one time meetings, planning one time vacations. but, unfortunately, when someone asks me for more than that, i quickly retreat into 'ill get back to you' speak or 'ill think about it' (which we all know is just buying time to justify the weak answer of 'no').

and im working on it. im leading a group of high school girls on a weekly basis in our home and over the course of this year, this weekly commitment has blessed me in ways i didnt know it could. and im finally getting 'it'...the 'it' for me is that there are certain blessings that ONLY come from commitment. rewards that you can only experience AFTER truly giving of yourself on a regular basis. sometimes, as much as i crave the goodness from a one time event, i realize more and more the really great stuff only happens over time and after investing more of my selfish self than im comfortable with. this is a flaw God is working out in me one day at a time as i realize how empty my life would be without a few of my biggest commitments like my marriage, my faith, some friendships and of course this very long term commitment of motherhood. so, im on it. willing to let God work this out in me and willing to commit more of myself and more of my time. what fears are keeping you from experiencing the goodness that could be coming your way if you were willing and able to overcome them? just a thought worth unpacking when you have a minute.