crazy

im watching you now and youre staring at me. you think im crazy. and i may be. i may truly be thisclose to losing my mind. for you. you are growing and changing and challenging me in ways i didnt know existed. i am growing and learning, failing and falling. more in love with you. more in awe of you. you, my beautiful girl are a spark. a light. a fire that flickers and fades and draws me in. i stare at you a lot these days trying to catch the thief that changes you in the most subtle of ways right before my eyes. your face has thinned, your legs have grown, your tone has shifted and i missed it. im watching closer now. i dont want to miss anymore.

you are not my baby, but a grown up 4 year old with grown up ideas and grown up logic. i catch you as you race by me and i hold you, squeeze you tight and breathe you in amid giggles and pleas to be released. i have stolen more of these moments from you as you run faster and farther. and i want you to know, at 4 at 7 at 14, you will always be my baby and i will take as many moments from you that you will give me. i will share time and stop time and beg with every part of me to slow time down. i love the you i know and i love the you i dont know, the one you are becoming one day at a time. and i am privileged and proud to be yours. i love being your mommy and i love planting the seeds throughout our days that we will sow together in the future. i love that youre funny. that you amaze me with your curiosity and your questions. that you leave me dumbfounded and fresh out of answers on a regular basis. and youre learning. and im learning. im learning that the more i try and teach you, impress upon you attributes of compassion, generosity, faith and love, i am molded by our Creator to live those out in a more authentic way as well. you, sweet girl, make me a better person. the person i long to be in the eyes of my Father, is the person you are helping me become in the eyes of the most remarkable little girl ive ever known.

so, humor me while i gaze crazily and try to memorize every distinct detail of wondrous you before they change and you change and im left to discover the new you. i love you, georgia kate. thank you for allowing me to shape and mold and grow and learn with you, my baby girl.