Tuesday, October 05, 2010

two words

its amazing how little blog time my double fly little guy, jdub, really gets. its not his fault, its mine. im busy and short on time and im depositing a few extra bucks into his therapy fund just in case (who am i kidding) he needs it later to help him process the second child syndrome. recently, i took him to his first well baby appointment. i know hes two, 30 lbs and a lumpy little man child now, but one of the most illogical ideas ever invented was the well baby visit. where you bring a WELL (not sick) child to a place where SICK children are. cr hay zeeee. ive been told by my sis in law there is apparently an office in a far off land called dallas, that keeps the two areas separate for the protection of the well people...i imagine it smells like cupcakes and serves coffee, but here, in a land called northern virginia, you wait like sneezing, coughing cattle and it smells like bad hand sanitizer. and since i dont immunize my little people until they are about two (yes, im that super weird person you judge) i dont have any reason to take them when they are well. however, as many of you with little people can imagine, im at the drs office fairly regularly for a litany of other little people illnesses like ear infections, sinus infections and strange coughs from unknown origins. so, before i start receiving hate mail about not getting my kids seen, they are seen. regularly. when they are fresh out of being well.

of course this shifts around age two when i do start taking them in for a yearly physical and occasional shot. last week began that stage for jack. he is now officially two and has perfected his own original versions of several songs although his favorite is still 'happy birthday' which he sings at the top of his lungs to his own enthusiastic applause and then asks for cake. everyday. love that kid. so last week i had both kids with me at the drs office where i packed enough crap for them to eat, break and play with in hopes of keeping them from touching all the surfaces that countless sick kids have licked and touched throughout the day. somehow, in the midst of my 60 lbs of gear, i forgot to pack diapers and while jdub has now told several people a very convincing tale that he is in fact potty training, he is in fact just lying...and pooping on himself.

so, nurse so and so asks me to strip him down to get a good weight check on him and goes as far as trying to extract the two raisins in his fist for a more accurate reading. seriously? i dare you to try and pry those nasty dried morsels of goodness from his fists. you like failure? keep trying. after a few attempts, she gave up and i put his diaper back on him while the nurse put us in our place. the waiting place. where you wait and wait and wait and wonder why you ever thought you needed this particular appointment in the first place. the doctor eventually came in and followed the script of questions about jdubs development. it went like this::

is he walking? yes, around the room right now actually.
can he jump on one foot? um, we dont typically do that at home, but given the right incentive or lack of leg, im sure he could.
does he build blocks? yes. and then he knocks them over and claps...are these real questions?

does he point? no.
how does he show you what he wants? he asks for it.

about this time, gk interrupts the interview with, 'mom, jack stinks really bad.' the dr, not deterred by the interruption continues, does he talk? yes.

does he put two words together? yes. its at this moment that jdub stops playing with cars and says with clarity and conviction, 'huge poop'.

'huge poop, mama, huge poop'. ahhhhhsome, since im fresh out of diapers. and so ended our interview. done and done. the dr left the room, i pillaged the cabinets id spent the waiting time telling the kids to not touch and swiped a newborn diaper off the top shelf for my 30 lb baby. perfect. so the lump walks and talks and poops just like every other well baby and hes not afraid to describe it in detail. good to know.