rocky mountain rescue

how do you create amazing vacation memories?? i think it begins with kids in significant numbers and high levels of energy. and make them young preferably under the age of 7 when they are most dependent and fun. add lots of food, enough that at the end of each day you swear you will not eat as much the next day and repeat this everyday until you leave. pick a scenic location with lots to do, beautiful drives, scenic overlooks where children will lean entirely too far over the edge and scare the daylights out of their parents who are nervously trying to soak in a sight or two and make sure there is an emergency that you can swiftly be a part of.

yes, the emergency factor is how the greatest vacation memories are made. if you have not had it yet, you really have not experienced all that relaxing vacations were meant to be. our 'emergency' moment found us as we were travelling for the third hour through rocky mountain national park caravan style with 7 adults and 5 children under the age of 7. there are few things as much fun as two cars full of children winding their way up a mountain to the top with 5 people sharing in the bond of motion sickness and 2 others in a significant fear of heights. perfect.

we had mastered the technique of communicating with head lights and hand signals (very family friendly, mind you) since our cell phones were a no go which would soon prove to be a significant disadvantage of being immersed in beautiful scenery that only exists in remote areas. we had decided not quite unanimously to persevere up the mountain in spite of the steep drops, lack of guard rails, need to pee, feelings of nausea, hunger and fatigue. after all at the top of the mountain there was a (drum roll please) gift shop. and im sure a great view and above all a bathroom which we would later discover was a portapotty, which no self respecting sober individual would ever use.

we were well on our way with the peak being just over a mile ahead when we noticed a person laying in the road. clearly this was not by choice (the motorcycle on its side several feet away tipped me off). two cars with people going to hell simply veered away from her (how thoughtful they chose to not run her over) while the third car stopped and we were lucky cars four and five. of course we should stop. there was someone in need. i was a lifeguard and completed the red cross babysitter course in the sixth grade. if she was a child in need of the heimlich or a swim lesson, im your girl. unfortunately, she was a grandma from some parish in louisianna who had clearly not followed the instructions of her not so stable husband when he told her to lean right. he reminded her of her error while standing just above her broken leg. while he was lacking more than a sensitivity chip, he was concerned and no help.

the men collectively having never completed a cpr course piled out of the caravan like superheros ready for action. my dad began directing traffic, my husband began taking pictures while my brother in law worked his way into a position of significance by elevating the broken leg. ah yes. this would be fine for a few minutes until of course the children went crazy. i kept reassuring myself and georgia that we only needed to wait until the ambulance arrived which im certain would be momentarily. while she struggled to unbuckle her carseat, my mom and i sang songs, told jokes, promised a pony and thanked God that we werent in the minivan with 4 children ready to take over.

a storm rolled in, snow fell, winds blew and the ambulance did not arrive. we unloaded 5 coats on this poor woman to keep her warm and pat began to extract her life story while my dad tried to decide what a reasonable offer would be on a now damaged harley davidson. this was even more fun than i could have imagined. a park ranger came and was able to offer a tarp. great. now she wouldnt get wet while she lay in the road with a broken leg. after 45 minutes a shiny black suv appeared and i began to hear the fray in the background as dr. McRocky hopped out and began to leisurely walk past our car to the scene. finally a doctor had arrived, (these were the exact words of my 7 year old nephew) what a relief. a trained professional to take over this situation. mcrocky immediately stood to the side, surveyed the progress and began chatting with the other superheroes. not about her condition mind you, oh no, far more important things like what brought him to the rockies, how he too had been in the air force and on and on and on. obviously if there's no big surgery to scrub in on with dr. grey, he's just not interested in getting involved.

i began to look for the hidden cameras wondering if and when an ambulance would ever arrive and realizing that with the leg being elevated by my brother in law, we were not going anywhere until it got there. it did finally arrive and my contribution was to help drop the bed on wheels thingy to ground level. i couldnt even do that right...the lever stuck. if only she had needed the heimlich. yes, these were vacation memories in the making complete with pictures of the whole episode courtesy of pat who against all of my obvious non verbal cues to please knock it off and have some situational awareness could not help himself. unfortunately, they are on my lap top in korea so you will just have to use your imagination to try to capture the level of amusement that we will have for years to come.