the battle

i almost blogged a week ago about the ongoing battle brewing between myself and my beloved daughter, but thought better of it realizing significant milestones are only mildly amuzing to family and certainly the mundane aspects of parenting would be of no interest to anyone who did not have a role in creating her. since pat and God are up to date, i figured it would be pointless. however, given the challenges of today, i have decided to vent to whoever cares (which im already assuming is no one, so with low expectations, i can't be disappointed.) early in the week, circmustances prohibited georgia from taking her morning nap. it may have been work a couple of days or a worthless chiropractor appointment, (not entirely worthless for the chiropractor) or just a late start on one of our days, but today i was determined to right the wrongs of the week. today, georgia was going back to the nap routine and all would be right with our world again. right. so she woke up particularly early and i was even relieved, quickly fast forwarding a couple of hours in my sleepy brain realizing she would be "extra" tired for the revisiting of the morning nap. our morning was great. breakfast consisted of serious nutrition for the peach and fresh kona coffee courtesy of the uber thoughtful husband for the mama. i waited until she had that look in her eye and went through the whole prenap routine, 2-3 books, blanket, plug, sound machine and escape. our friends/best babysitters ever, paul and brooke know the routine...its just not that challenging and all who have had some experience know the drill. so, i closed the door and began the swift descent down the stairs back to my coffee and quiet time that awaited. within just under 3 seconds the crying began. and the screaming. and the heaving. and the chewing on her crib (our efforts to curb that behavior and resulting damage with tobasco sauce have been to no avail...please no one call dfs, but please call us if you have any brilliant ideas keeping in mind bitter apple spray is not safe for children..we read that fortunately right before we were about to spray down the crib). i tried turning down the monitor. okay, i turned off the monitor. after waiting quite awhile, i finally retreated to the shower where i knew i couldnt hear her and low and behold she was sound asleep when i got out. somehow my success left me feeling like crap. the thought of her crying herself to sleep makes me tense, edgy and sad. i rarely question my parenting, the daily prayers for wisdom give me a great peace and confidence knowing i am partnering with the Almighty and the husband He has given me. i could not ask for more. except for when she's crying. clearly she needed the sleep and she did sleep for over an hour. aha, i knew it. not ready to give up that morning nap. and yet, here i am in the afternoon and while the monitor is still on and i have checked on her twice, she is crying again seemingly through her entire afternoon nap. i was so guilt ridden, i even cracked open her bedroom door so that i could monitor her, to really make sure it was just her being angry and not hurt (you would think the latter was a distinct possibility if you could hear her) and that completely backfired. i was hostage in the hallway afraid to walk past the cracked door this genius had left open knowing that if she saw me, it was all over. anyway, as of this exact moment, there is nothing coming through the monitor. it seems as though she has given up and cried herself to sleep for the second time in one day. and this time she isnt the only one emotionally or physically exhausted. and she certainly isnt the only one who has shed a few tears.