resolutions

i know you thought early february would be entirely too late to post a few new years resolutions. clearly you dont know me and how notoriously late i roll. so here goes in absolutely no particular order my list (less some of you type A crazies try and crack the code...there simply is none).

1. i will have my list done no later than february 3rd. already im exceeding expectations for myself.

2. i will continue busting my arse at the gym even if only for 10 more pounds. they are afterall, the most resilient 10 pounds in all the land, resisting mile after mile of calorie burning, exhaustion inducing treadmill time. they are my nemesis and i will run them off this year. or i lll give up entirely and toast my defeat with a pint of ben and jerrys. either way, im all in for at least a little while longer.

3. taking my cue from the movie julie & julia, i will no longer have friends i dont like. admit it, if you are a woman, you have friends you dont like. its crazy and im confident one of the reasons women still dont get equal pay...men dont have friends they dont like. we have got to correct this insanity. im starting now.

4. i will stop eating chips and salsa for lunch everyday. mostly because i can no longer justify to gk why she MUST finish her nitrate free sandwich, organic milk, organic fruit and last nights leftover veggies before she can have (drumroll) yogurt covered raisins. all of this with a mouthful of some vegetable oil fried tortilla chips and salsa. the hypocrisy has been brought to my attention by one fairly insightful 4 year old and i am fresh out of a legit comeback. they may also have formed an alliance with my 10 pounds. this is one happy union im going to attempt to break up.

5. if there are type As and type Bs, ive decided im a type Z. im finally okay with that. i have come to terms with how im wired up and i will no longer resist my type Z tendencies which include lots of to do lists that list numerous things ive already done, just because i like crossing things off and feeling like im making progress. logic rarely comes into play with type Zs.

6. i will finally clear out my linen closet and along with it years of linen loving collecting. at this point, we could have 7 beds made, with everyone wetting the bed the same night and not one would be without a fresh, clean set of sheets. crazy. i could be considered a linen hoarder. i have crappy towels from a decade ago that ive been saving in case we give the dog a bath. except we havent had abe since may of 2007 and i would never wrap up one of my soft, sensitive skin kids in one of them, so they need to go. along with the shower curtain from our first house. i paid too much for it and have been hanging onto it out of guilt. of course i just spent $30 to mail something to hawaii...type Z. nuff said.

7. we will invest stock in julios seasoning & chips, blue bell ice cream and shiner bock beer. why? because everyone we know outside the state of texas would offer up their first born or at least a kidney to have all three in the same house at the same time. theyre just that good. except for that seasonal shiner that tasted like crap. that was a rare exception.

8. i plan on watching mizzou and texas a & m lose every single game this season. especially when mizzou plays criminal ku and a & m faces t.u. this is my new expectation and im not holding out for any pleasant surprises. no edge of your couch anticipation, no game day parties with neutral friends who watch us become heartbroken fans left with nothing more than stories of decades past where victory was really a possibility. nope. from now on, we are looking forward to another rebuilding year.

9. i will no longer allow myself to get sucked into the infamous military wife chatter of one upsies. so, we moved 5 times in 8 years with a lot of crazy highs and lows and last minute change of plans. there in lies the story of EVERY military family. youre not special. im not special. in fact, we have had it pretty easy considering what so many other families have endured. we are unbelievably blessed to have job security serving in the most noble of ways no less with the perks of seeing the world. does it suck somedays? of course. am i drinking the kool aid? not a chance. but, i am guilty of listening to the litany of military speak complaints and sharing my own hard to believe tales. im done with it and promise to do better. at least until better half deploys again...then ill need some accountability...angie, dont let me slip. :)

10. i will blog more. my disclaimer is they may stink. i may have nothing to say or share, but i certainly wont let my lack of worthy material keep me from putting it out there. i have to make a more consistent effort. heres to mediocrity and a happy 2010.

200 square feet and it stinks

so im writing this from the hotel we have been camping at for the past week and a half waiting on our elusive shipment of household goods to arrive so we can begin the joyous task of unpacking our lives one brown box at a time...discovering along the way jut how many windows we have that are new sizes and walls that dont quite fit our lifes possessions. adding to the joy of today is that our sweet peach has been throwing up for the past 12 hours continuosly. i am now in a room piled high with hotel linens and the faint smell of bile in the air.

i plan on utilizing the grocery service that our hotel offers today since patrick has the car in d.c. doing work at the base and am hoping the eager staff is eager to fetch me some pedialite and saltines to begin testing the tepid waters of gks tummy.

and im ready for our stuff to arrive. and im ready to be living in a real house with familiar linens and familiar smells. im ready for my mom to get here and have all the answers and encouragement to get me through a day like this. but im thankful. im thankful for lori, the kind woman from housekeeping who just delivered fresh towels and removed the smelly pile from the corner (somehow without even a look of disgust...remarkable, i assure you...it stanks). im thankful for the note that patrick left this morning wishing me the best day possible in light of a sick little one. im convinced there is no place he would rather be than in this room with us, smells and all. i feel lucky to be here, in d.c., reunited with close friends and expecting a son in just over 6 weeks. and today will pass. gk will feel better, the puke smell will wash out of one of my few remaining cute shirts that still fit, we will have our stuff delivered eventually and our house will be a home...stocked with pedialite and crackers at the ready for another round in motherhood bliss.

karma

im a good truth teller. most of the time. i value honesty, upfrontness, laying it all there so to speak...unless of course it puts me in the position of hurting someones feelings with said honesty. im terrible at that. really really terrible. another exception to my truth saying is when a stranger is involved and my life would be much easier/better/less difficult if i was able to have it my way. i have two examples recently of why the rules of 'always tell the truth' or 'never tell a lie' are generally speaking good rules to live by and more importantly why i need to work these lessons out...

many of you know of my sweet housekeeper, ms. hong. such a great woman with mad laundry skillz (only rivaled by her ability to make one plastic bag wake an entire home of sleeping individuals just by handling it oh so gently). however, before the gloriously clean days of ms. hong, there was a woman named maria. maria was kind, cooked and loved caring for georgia. it was a fabulous arrangement except she continually dried my jeans on high heat (does she have a death wish?? this has been a cardinal sin for the past several years as my denim has been stretched to the max and most jeans are only truly comfortable after air drying and wearing for a day) and the bigger issue would be that my generally happy and social peach cried every time she arrived. as in screamed and begged through tears to not be left with maria. this would be a red flag to anyone with a pulse and i, not being a total moron made the decision to find a replacement for maria. i know she never hurt georgia, trust me, this child would have told me, shown me and reminded me of it for weeks, but it only took her a couple of weeks to associate marias arrival with a day away from me. i also noticed that maria tended to scurry like a mouse from room to room and while i found it strange, gk found it scary, constantly asking 'what she doin?' while climbing up to the safety of my lap. so there was an obvious personality conflict between my nanny and my child...clearly a good enough reason for her dismissal. but how do you tell a woman who only speaks moderately good english and happens to love your child (or at least pretends really well) that your kid hates her?? i opted for the 'you dont' option. rather, i explained to her that i would be leaving the country in a few weeks and that my mother would be flying over to help me in the meantime as i prepared for my move.

i rarely gave maria another thought. she understood completely and a couple of weeks later when i ran into her on the elevator caring for someone elses child, i happen to be with a friend who looks much older than i....so, i introduced maria to my mother. i know. shady. shameful and gutless. but, nobodys feelings were hurt right? except maybe the friend that i just passed off as my mother.

fast forward eight months to last saturday. that would be the day i was waiting in seoul to begin my 30 hour voyage back to the mother ship. the airport is a solid two hours from the base and is a huge place, constantly busy. after checking in we found the closest row of seats to hang out as a family before saying our good byes. no sooner had i sat down than i noticed the woman sitting right next to me. let me just say there are no more than 5 koreans i would recognize in a crowd of thousands...but in an instant i knew i was sitting next to maria. the kind woman who had to be fired because i was leaving the country...eight months ago. this is karma. this is God using the universe to teach me a lesson about truth. she was so happy and surprised (understandably so) to see all of us that amid hugs, questions and well wishes she never bothered to ask the most obvious and uncomfortable question. and i, valuing upfrontness, never bothered to volunteer the answer.

the other moment in recent weeks occurred while i attempted to de-register the car in korea. it is a process requiring 12 different documents, a navigation system to find it (its in the basement of a stadium...unmarked) and apparently a bucket of patience that i sometimes forget to take with me. i decided i would handle this part of the move so that busy pat would not have to and since he happens to be handling the movers, i felt like this was more than fair.

i set out with my directions and documents in hand to find this elusive place i had been told about. what should be a 30 minute drive was over an hour as i tested out several roads trying to run into the stadium. when i did find it, i was reminded that in honor of sweet buddhas special birthday, the office was closed. fabulous.

the next day my trip was only 40 minutes thanks to the practice run the day before. i placed gk on the couch with a snack and managed to wait in line with a smile until i was called. i happily found my way to the counter, produced all 12 documents and waited for the 'okay'. she asked if i had pats power of attorney since the car was registered in his name. um no. i showed her where my name appeared on the title, on the insurance, on the stateside registration, on my military id...pretty much everywhere but the korean registration. frustrated, desperate and trying to figure out how and when georgia got black mystery dirt on her face while eating snacks on the couch i began to plead with her that she allow me, the wife to handle this matter. she wasnt budging. now we are 3 days from leaving the pen and im remembering the mountain of work that i still need to get done and realizing that a third trip to this place just isnt in the cards. desperate, i blurt out that my husband, the one who registered the car, has already left the country, is stateside and all of our goods are packed, to include the power of attorney. i know. im going to hell or at the minimum truth purgatory. she looked at me, looked at my dirty child and said 'have him unpack it and fax it here'. that was it.

defeated, i left. pat decided to take care of it the next day and only asked that i accompany him so he wouldnt get lost. fine. we arrived, miraculously with husband who had already left the country and took care of it amid deserved looks of judgment at my dishonest ways by the lady who had stood her ground and told me no...in spite of my imagined desperate circumstances.

in a book i read a few months ago, eat, pray, love, the author writes simply what she has learned...always tell the truth. i think she may be onto something. so watch out...a new leaf is being turned over within me with just a little help from the universe.

could she be the one?

theres this part of moving to a new place that always seems to highlight my greatest insecurities as i meet new people and wonder each time, will she be the one? will she be the friend that when im leaving in two years i thank God for bringing into my life. i spend these first months without fail wondering if i will ever have 'that' friend. and yet, as predictable as the days there is always one or two or more that i cant imagine my life without when it is all said and done. and yet, it is these first weeks that are always the hardest as our boxes are unpacked, but the feeling of 'home' is somewhat absent.

i found myself talking last night to a great friend and making the comment that i feel like i wish everyone had a drink before i met them the first time, just one to help take any potential edge they may have off. i absolutely hate the early stages where i am afraid to be myself, afraid to say too much or not enough or inadvertently offend. and yet, the harder i try to be 'surface' katie, the more awkward i become. i was this way with patricks family for some time, wanting desperately for them to like me that i finished most conversations wondering who it was that had just been speaking for me. (they probably thought the same thing) it was definitely not me, but a watered down, trying to be liked me. it made for some fairly embarrassing moments and i was relieved several years ago when it no longer felt that way. i still remember the visit when i left and it was comfortable, natural and fun. like family, really.

i guess ive been spoiled at our last few assignments because i cant for the life of me remember there being that 'get to know you' awkward stage. truly, we met friends and instantly just knew we would always be connected. and we are. so, here i am, in korea wondering if ive met her yet. have we shared a brief conversation that we will one day look back on and laugh as the first time we met? will we have more in common than both being military wives or mothers? surely, we will. or i at least hope we will. or maybe we will very different from one another and she will bring about the balance in me ive found in other friends. the curiosity in and of itself of who will be the one keeps me optimistically expectant. i seem to always forget this part of each move probably because by the time we leave it is hard to remember how hard it was in the beginning finding the 'ones'. the seeds of lasting friendships have already been deeply sown and managed to erase the memory of an empty field.

so, ill wait. ill hold doors open, make small talk in the elevator, show up at meetings, find places to volunteer, speak at the check out, host a few dinners and wine tastings at our place for 'acquaintances', hopefully opening the door, the opportunity to find the ones. and ill be grateful. and ill be joyful. and ill do my best to just be me.