We had the privilege of dedicating Jack recently. Many have asked what that means. Without going into a lengthy discussion or explanation, the short version is we have publicly sought the support, encouragement, accountability and prayers of those present and loved ones far away in raising him to know, love, serve and wholeheartedly pursue after our amazing Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We have the tremendous blessing of having our own families seeking the same pursuits. We have amazing parents who love, guide and pray for us continually. We have siblings who model Christ's love to us and to their children. We are forever grateful for the families that God chose to place us in and know that His provisions have been abundant. It is the love of our families and the love of Christ we have always seen in them that led us to where we are today, dedicating our own beloved son to the One who generously gave him to us. We are always mindful that He has entrusted His precious child, Jack, to us to love, nurture and most importantly guide to Him. We will one day be held accountable for what we do and do not do as his parents and our greatest hope and prayer is that our Father who gave him to us is pleased with us as we seek His will daily. We know the time will come when Jack will be responsible for his own choices as he travels his journey of faith and our hope is that he will seek to know God and His infinite love for him. We were blessed to share the day with close friends, Angie & Dave Faggard, Jim & Tricia Friddell and Amy & Brian Moore. His outfit was made with love by his Grandma Sutherland and will be a treasured reminder of this special day.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
jdubs dedication
We had the privilege of dedicating Jack recently. Many have asked what that means. Without going into a lengthy discussion or explanation, the short version is we have publicly sought the support, encouragement, accountability and prayers of those present and loved ones far away in raising him to know, love, serve and wholeheartedly pursue after our amazing Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We have the tremendous blessing of having our own families seeking the same pursuits. We have amazing parents who love, guide and pray for us continually. We have siblings who model Christ's love to us and to their children. We are forever grateful for the families that God chose to place us in and know that His provisions have been abundant. It is the love of our families and the love of Christ we have always seen in them that led us to where we are today, dedicating our own beloved son to the One who generously gave him to us. We are always mindful that He has entrusted His precious child, Jack, to us to love, nurture and most importantly guide to Him. We will one day be held accountable for what we do and do not do as his parents and our greatest hope and prayer is that our Father who gave him to us is pleased with us as we seek His will daily. We know the time will come when Jack will be responsible for his own choices as he travels his journey of faith and our hope is that he will seek to know God and His infinite love for him. We were blessed to share the day with close friends, Angie & Dave Faggard, Jim & Tricia Friddell and Amy & Brian Moore. His outfit was made with love by his Grandma Sutherland and will be a treasured reminder of this special day.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
nastay...a tad worse than nasty
just the other day patrick asked if jack needed a diaper change and without hesitation i promptly buried my nose in the diapered rear of our youngest. and it hit me...i am a different person than i was just a short 3 years ago. i am doing things i would have never believed i was capable of...like smelling butts and leaping out of a dead sleep to answer the call of an inquisitive child at 3 am. the list of what im doing on a daily basis no longer surprises me which is somewhat remarkable if you could only see my days. i wiped snot from georgia on my jeans today. its not that i didnt want to retrieve a respectable tissue, its just that my options were somewhat limited with jack and georgia coordinating their 'need to eat' and their 'need to sneeze' to be the exact same time. and, yes, its disgusting. i would gag if i saw you do it and pretend that i hadnt done the same and yet, i regularly find myself doing the most disgusting of things. today, while changing a diaper, the fountain started and i threw a burp cloth on his little man. i found the same burp cloth, unlaundered, laying on the floor hours later. gross. i also realized gk had used it as a towel for one of her babies moments earlier. double gross. ive inspected finger tips for boogies and butt cheeks for hidden poop. im telling you, im not proud. im appalled, really, at all that i do without flinching, but this is my new reality. and i love my new reality.
we made heart cakes tonight for patrick. we dropped egg shells in the batter, licked the spoon while stirring and sampled the batter...with raw eggs and all. we watched them rise and fall in the oven, added yellow food coloring to the icing on accident and then corrected our mistake with 17 drops of red which left an orangey reddish hue on the cake and did god only knows what to our bodies. it was at around drop 15 i remembered there being some article years ago about the harmful effects of red dye...im assuming it pertained to big m&m factories, not food coloring plants, but either way, i dropped two more in there in my final attempt at 'pink' cakes. and while they werent exactly pink, they were smothered and covered and piled unhealthily high with mounds of orangey red frosting and delivered to patrick with the honest question from the heart of a 3 year old...will you be my valentine? he melted. but only for a moment because this question was immediately followed up with, 'can i have a bite?' and so it goes. my days that start with an audible alarm and end with prayers at the bedsides of the little people.
tomorrow will be another day filled to the brim with moments that melt my heart or make me gag. either way, im blessed and content. and living a completely different life than a short 3 years ago. thank goodness for the whole of it...the good, the bad and the utterly nastay.
we made heart cakes tonight for patrick. we dropped egg shells in the batter, licked the spoon while stirring and sampled the batter...with raw eggs and all. we watched them rise and fall in the oven, added yellow food coloring to the icing on accident and then corrected our mistake with 17 drops of red which left an orangey reddish hue on the cake and did god only knows what to our bodies. it was at around drop 15 i remembered there being some article years ago about the harmful effects of red dye...im assuming it pertained to big m&m factories, not food coloring plants, but either way, i dropped two more in there in my final attempt at 'pink' cakes. and while they werent exactly pink, they were smothered and covered and piled unhealthily high with mounds of orangey red frosting and delivered to patrick with the honest question from the heart of a 3 year old...will you be my valentine? he melted. but only for a moment because this question was immediately followed up with, 'can i have a bite?' and so it goes. my days that start with an audible alarm and end with prayers at the bedsides of the little people.
tomorrow will be another day filled to the brim with moments that melt my heart or make me gag. either way, im blessed and content. and living a completely different life than a short 3 years ago. thank goodness for the whole of it...the good, the bad and the utterly nastay.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
the truth
the truth is you cant fix crazy she told me. and i believe her now more than ever before. we watched the forest of families and friendships burn from the edge, sometimes still feeling the cool of the other side, sometimes feeling the burn. the person we spoke of lit matches with lies and gossip, imaginary scandals and then waited. and waited. waited to see which ones would take, fanned by her well disguised intentions and which ones would simply die out without any kindling to spark.
and i wonder from time to time how the fires are burning around her right now. i think of her, of her family unknowingly drowning in her toxicity and choking on her smoke and wonder what their future will be. what the future holds for the landscape of ashes she has created. my burns have healed, only on occasion do i even notice their scars, but they remain scars just the same. evidence of her love of fanning the flames. our friendship ended even quicker than it began. it wasnt a choice as much as a necessity to protect myself and my family. its dangerous to keep an arson in your midst when your shortcomings create sparks. those sparks, with the right person, can destroy an entire landscape with catastrophic results.
and im smarter now (though i thought i was smarter then) and i can see the benefits of what ive learned. i can now recognize the smell and sound of a match as it is being struck and am no longer drawn to the warming and disarming small flame. i see the potential wildfire in my own choices as well as the ashes left behind. i can sense the motives of arsonists around me, almost always self seeking and self promoting, leaving charred landscapes in their wake only to come in after the smoke has cleared and pretend to help in the recovery and rebuilding of lives. i have grown fiercely protective of my own trees and do more to care for them than before. and while there are certainly phoenixes that will arise from ashes; i have witnessed them around me and around her, theyre flight is hindered by where they have arisen from. perhaps that is my hope for her own children, for her own husband and undoubtedly the countless others caught in her blaze, that one day they will all arise from charred remains and take flight. that they would reach happiness and health. balance and love. and of course the peace and sanity that cannot thrive in her presence. and for myself, for the multitude of lessons i have learned, i pray for a heart of compassion and forgiveness even while acknowledging the truth that you really cant fix crazy.
and i wonder from time to time how the fires are burning around her right now. i think of her, of her family unknowingly drowning in her toxicity and choking on her smoke and wonder what their future will be. what the future holds for the landscape of ashes she has created. my burns have healed, only on occasion do i even notice their scars, but they remain scars just the same. evidence of her love of fanning the flames. our friendship ended even quicker than it began. it wasnt a choice as much as a necessity to protect myself and my family. its dangerous to keep an arson in your midst when your shortcomings create sparks. those sparks, with the right person, can destroy an entire landscape with catastrophic results.
and im smarter now (though i thought i was smarter then) and i can see the benefits of what ive learned. i can now recognize the smell and sound of a match as it is being struck and am no longer drawn to the warming and disarming small flame. i see the potential wildfire in my own choices as well as the ashes left behind. i can sense the motives of arsonists around me, almost always self seeking and self promoting, leaving charred landscapes in their wake only to come in after the smoke has cleared and pretend to help in the recovery and rebuilding of lives. i have grown fiercely protective of my own trees and do more to care for them than before. and while there are certainly phoenixes that will arise from ashes; i have witnessed them around me and around her, theyre flight is hindered by where they have arisen from. perhaps that is my hope for her own children, for her own husband and undoubtedly the countless others caught in her blaze, that one day they will all arise from charred remains and take flight. that they would reach happiness and health. balance and love. and of course the peace and sanity that cannot thrive in her presence. and for myself, for the multitude of lessons i have learned, i pray for a heart of compassion and forgiveness even while acknowledging the truth that you really cant fix crazy.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
the friendly skies
recently we took the kids and flew to texas for Christmas and then onto missouri for new years. due to patricks schedule and his need to be back sooner than we needed to be, i decided to stay an extra week on the farm...still cant seem to ever get enough time with the rents. i vaguely remember the conversation that took place the night we booked our tix for the trip...i was pregnant (which for those of you who know me leaves me incapable of making sound decisions) and realistic husband even questioned (albeit briefly) if i thought traveling by myself with the kids would be too difficult. of course not...georgia did manage to handle a 30 hour itinerary from korea and jack will naturally be sound asleep in the baby bjorn safely secured to me. i never gave it a second thought. mostly because ive been living somewhere between underslept and over caffeinated and partly because my way of handling any and all potentially unpleasant future situations is to spend my present in a state of denial.
needless to say traveling to texas and then onto missouri with better half was uneventful...man to man coverage is always a safe bet. however, the trip home solo had a few moments worth mentioning. and by few, i mean many. too many to actually recount, but ill highlight the faves.
during our brief layover in newark, i had the opportunity to exercise while traveling..running through the airport with jack strapped in somewhat safely with his head bobbling around, pushing georgia in the stroller and lugging 50 lb diaper bag on one shoulder with childs suitcase on the other gave me the chance to burn those mini pretzels from flight one right off. when i began to literally feel the burn in my arms, i expertly transferred both bags to the handles of the stroller. with my load considerably lighter i bravely ventured into the public restroom to let the peach use the potty. this was my lame attempt at avoiding the plane bathrooms that bring out the claustrophobic in me in 2 seconds flat. not to mention the maneuvering that must take place in there with a toddler. ive said it before but i expect applause and a medal every time i step out of one of those germ infested porta potties in the sky having successfully sanitized an area and changed a diaper or assisted a toddler in the one square foot allotted. anyway, i waited patiently for the large stall at the end to open with the peach asking a relentless series of questions ranging from 'are you going to go tinkle, mommy?' to 'i think that lady went poop. do you think she went poop, mommy?'
once inside the stall, georgia promptly hopped out of the stroller. heavy bags on stroller handles promptly caused it to flip over onto the sticky floor. all 736 items in diaper bag are now covering every inch of the stall floor. in my haste to lean over and begin picking up said items, jack about falls out the top of the bjorn. he is completely upside down while i hold him in with one hand and take inventory of all items in need of sanitation with the other. i cant help but try and ignore the floor that georgias fingers are all over and keep reminding myself we will wash extra well after potty time. jack is now awake (as anyone dangling upside down would be) and hungry. fabulous. i get gk on the potty and she reminds me that we are 'not to touch anything'. i find this particularly funny as everything now in the diaper bag and every part of both of her hands have now been all over the floor of a very high traffic public restroom.
i made the decision to not attempt to pee with jack in the baby bjorn...ive never been good at peeing in the woods and with my luck and how the day was unfolding i was fairly confident i would end up either peeing on myself or on jack. i figured it would be nice if just one in our party of three could be spared the joy of public restroom germs and i couldnt bear the thought of hours of questions from my interrogator on what happened to mommy and jack if my attempt failed. we rolled out of the stall looking weathered at best. between my sweat and flustered self and the black cashmere sweater now giving my drooling 4 month old the appearance of a goatee, i just wanted to wash hands and get on the next flight. except that now in front of the sink, i cannot get to georgia fast enough and she hops out AGAIN. stroller flips AGAIN and i am left wondering what patron saint of parenting i have pissed off.
twenty something cutie patootie who has the nerve to wear horizontal stripes, leggings, boots and a handbag trots over to begin helping me pick the items up. gk is a little unnerved, jack is screaming now and i am wondering if i will ever feel cold again. i dont exactly remember what i said at that moment, truth be told it probably rhymed with fit (which i felt like having) or quit (which i felt like doing), but what i apparently failed to say was thank you. i only know this because as stripe girl walked away she said 'your welcome'. ahh yes. jersey. the friendliest place on earth. i wanted to say, 'hey, wait can i get your address? or maybe your autograph? i was hoping to send you a thank you note and flowers to thank you for really going above and beyond here.' the truth is, i was grateful. and appreciative, but seriously, was it not obvious that the balancing act i was trying to pull off while not dumping infant out head first and hanging onto now fit throwing 2 year old with other hand not evidence enough that i was in no position to fall over myself with gratitude? i think i even muttered thank you in the midst of the ordeal but her bangles were probably clicking too loud for her to hear me. anyway, bathroom scene over. onto boarding.
i couldnt help but notice the insanely long line waiting to board my flight and i even felt a moment of relief (the screaming baby with a goatee and whining two year old were just like white noise at this point) realizing i fell into the 'in need of help, please pre board' category. until i heard airline guy make the announcement that it was now open to everyone. clearly, while playing in the restroom, i had missed my chance at the only perk of flying with children. ugh. fortunately, there was a nice guy who let me go ahead of him which was great because i just needed to get to my seat so i could feed jack.
we found our seats, i found my hooter hider and gk found the air controllers above the seat. now i just needed to feed the baby and show all the passengers that their flight really wouldnt be as hellacious as they thought because the baby will stop crying and the peach will sit down and be quiet...while she polishes off a pound of skittles. this detail will mean nothing to any of you men reading, but to you women...i had skipped nursing jack at his last feeding and opted for a bottle which left me...full. so with hooter hider in place and black sweater up i began trying to discreetly feed the boy while a constant stream of passengers filed by and georgia experimented with varying degrees of cold air...which helped me transition nicely from sweaty to clammy. perfect. right as i was about to begin feeding jdub, marcos, the happy flight attendant with a nice manicure shows up next to me. i am caught off guard and jack pays the price with a steady stream of milk shooting into his eye. at the same time gk now has all air pointing at me going full blast and marcos wants to chat about an infant life vest. seriously?? marcos, i know you dont lactate and im fairly confident you dont have small children, but surely it is clear to you from your vantage point above me that i am blinding my infant, exposing myself and in the event of a water landing would just as soon take my chances. he continues on, 'if you cannot find your infant life vest in the event of a water landing (arent those more accurately called crashes anyway) see me and i will get you one.' really, marcos, when this plane goes down and all 150 passengers are panicked, youd like me to bring my two children up and down the aisle until we find you to request an infant life vest? wow.
of course i didnt say anything. i just nodded my head and continued to shower jack. however, i did manage to remember my manners this time and thank him profusely before he walked away. within moments, jack was fed and happy and georgia was happily eating skittles. i even managed to wipe the goatee off of jacks face before landing. clearly a successful day of travel.
needless to say traveling to texas and then onto missouri with better half was uneventful...man to man coverage is always a safe bet. however, the trip home solo had a few moments worth mentioning. and by few, i mean many. too many to actually recount, but ill highlight the faves.
during our brief layover in newark, i had the opportunity to exercise while traveling..running through the airport with jack strapped in somewhat safely with his head bobbling around, pushing georgia in the stroller and lugging 50 lb diaper bag on one shoulder with childs suitcase on the other gave me the chance to burn those mini pretzels from flight one right off. when i began to literally feel the burn in my arms, i expertly transferred both bags to the handles of the stroller. with my load considerably lighter i bravely ventured into the public restroom to let the peach use the potty. this was my lame attempt at avoiding the plane bathrooms that bring out the claustrophobic in me in 2 seconds flat. not to mention the maneuvering that must take place in there with a toddler. ive said it before but i expect applause and a medal every time i step out of one of those germ infested porta potties in the sky having successfully sanitized an area and changed a diaper or assisted a toddler in the one square foot allotted. anyway, i waited patiently for the large stall at the end to open with the peach asking a relentless series of questions ranging from 'are you going to go tinkle, mommy?' to 'i think that lady went poop. do you think she went poop, mommy?'
once inside the stall, georgia promptly hopped out of the stroller. heavy bags on stroller handles promptly caused it to flip over onto the sticky floor. all 736 items in diaper bag are now covering every inch of the stall floor. in my haste to lean over and begin picking up said items, jack about falls out the top of the bjorn. he is completely upside down while i hold him in with one hand and take inventory of all items in need of sanitation with the other. i cant help but try and ignore the floor that georgias fingers are all over and keep reminding myself we will wash extra well after potty time. jack is now awake (as anyone dangling upside down would be) and hungry. fabulous. i get gk on the potty and she reminds me that we are 'not to touch anything'. i find this particularly funny as everything now in the diaper bag and every part of both of her hands have now been all over the floor of a very high traffic public restroom.
i made the decision to not attempt to pee with jack in the baby bjorn...ive never been good at peeing in the woods and with my luck and how the day was unfolding i was fairly confident i would end up either peeing on myself or on jack. i figured it would be nice if just one in our party of three could be spared the joy of public restroom germs and i couldnt bear the thought of hours of questions from my interrogator on what happened to mommy and jack if my attempt failed. we rolled out of the stall looking weathered at best. between my sweat and flustered self and the black cashmere sweater now giving my drooling 4 month old the appearance of a goatee, i just wanted to wash hands and get on the next flight. except that now in front of the sink, i cannot get to georgia fast enough and she hops out AGAIN. stroller flips AGAIN and i am left wondering what patron saint of parenting i have pissed off.
twenty something cutie patootie who has the nerve to wear horizontal stripes, leggings, boots and a handbag trots over to begin helping me pick the items up. gk is a little unnerved, jack is screaming now and i am wondering if i will ever feel cold again. i dont exactly remember what i said at that moment, truth be told it probably rhymed with fit (which i felt like having) or quit (which i felt like doing), but what i apparently failed to say was thank you. i only know this because as stripe girl walked away she said 'your welcome'. ahh yes. jersey. the friendliest place on earth. i wanted to say, 'hey, wait can i get your address? or maybe your autograph? i was hoping to send you a thank you note and flowers to thank you for really going above and beyond here.' the truth is, i was grateful. and appreciative, but seriously, was it not obvious that the balancing act i was trying to pull off while not dumping infant out head first and hanging onto now fit throwing 2 year old with other hand not evidence enough that i was in no position to fall over myself with gratitude? i think i even muttered thank you in the midst of the ordeal but her bangles were probably clicking too loud for her to hear me. anyway, bathroom scene over. onto boarding.
i couldnt help but notice the insanely long line waiting to board my flight and i even felt a moment of relief (the screaming baby with a goatee and whining two year old were just like white noise at this point) realizing i fell into the 'in need of help, please pre board' category. until i heard airline guy make the announcement that it was now open to everyone. clearly, while playing in the restroom, i had missed my chance at the only perk of flying with children. ugh. fortunately, there was a nice guy who let me go ahead of him which was great because i just needed to get to my seat so i could feed jack.
we found our seats, i found my hooter hider and gk found the air controllers above the seat. now i just needed to feed the baby and show all the passengers that their flight really wouldnt be as hellacious as they thought because the baby will stop crying and the peach will sit down and be quiet...while she polishes off a pound of skittles. this detail will mean nothing to any of you men reading, but to you women...i had skipped nursing jack at his last feeding and opted for a bottle which left me...full. so with hooter hider in place and black sweater up i began trying to discreetly feed the boy while a constant stream of passengers filed by and georgia experimented with varying degrees of cold air...which helped me transition nicely from sweaty to clammy. perfect. right as i was about to begin feeding jdub, marcos, the happy flight attendant with a nice manicure shows up next to me. i am caught off guard and jack pays the price with a steady stream of milk shooting into his eye. at the same time gk now has all air pointing at me going full blast and marcos wants to chat about an infant life vest. seriously?? marcos, i know you dont lactate and im fairly confident you dont have small children, but surely it is clear to you from your vantage point above me that i am blinding my infant, exposing myself and in the event of a water landing would just as soon take my chances. he continues on, 'if you cannot find your infant life vest in the event of a water landing (arent those more accurately called crashes anyway) see me and i will get you one.' really, marcos, when this plane goes down and all 150 passengers are panicked, youd like me to bring my two children up and down the aisle until we find you to request an infant life vest? wow.
of course i didnt say anything. i just nodded my head and continued to shower jack. however, i did manage to remember my manners this time and thank him profusely before he walked away. within moments, jack was fed and happy and georgia was happily eating skittles. i even managed to wipe the goatee off of jacks face before landing. clearly a successful day of travel.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
the day!
so ill post a few thoughts at length when i dont have jack on my lap drooling and gk setting up a tea party for me in her tent...im running late already, but i wanted to post a quick pic from the big day...the inauguration of president barack obama. it was unbelievable to be there and witness such a great moment in history with some rockstar friends, brooke and paul kind who drove down from princeton to witness the event with us. it was everything id hoped itd be and more....and i didnt freak out with 2 million people around me...so proud.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
because im the lamest
im finally posting a pic of jack...hes 4 months old today and this is only his second appearance on the blog. im a terrible mother and proving that whole second baby theory. hes awesome and his sister still rocks. hes huge weighing over 16 lbs at his last appt...i keep telling gk to watch her fingers when he starts rolling over and to start protecting her plate of food...hes putting down rice cereal like a champ and has only requested a side of a-1 steak sauce once.
crowds
there are many things that make me highly uncomfortable...turbulence, 4 inch heels, strapless bras, bleachers, and crowds with lots of children. im fine on a playground, im great in a classroom teaching, but parties with lots of children freak me out. i would rather sit in a car in minot north dakota without heat than be at a party with the little people running wild. so imagine the scenario that played out a couple of weeks ago when one of my bestest friends in the world was hosting her 5th annual thanksmas bash. this event is always a blast, tons of food, drinks and people. and because my dear friend is THE most social person you have ever met, because she LOVES lots of children and because she would never leave ANYONE out, she sent the invites out and the rsvps began pouring in. we decided to drive down for the weekend and get our holiday party on at the hotel friddell aka her house. it was all good and i was feeling ready for the shindig all day long. doors opened at 4pm sharp and the peeps started rolling in one after another. of course all the couples sans kids and singles arrived first...i vaguely remember what it was like to be on time before kids. at around 5:30, the families with kiddos started showing up. i could feel my stress level rising with every gleeful squeal and snotty nose that walked through the door. i began to hold jack and georgia close to me as i scouted out with my eagle eye the sickest kids to avoid...i know, youre realizing how ridiculous this sounds...im telling you, i realize it, too. i even realized it then, i just couldnt control it. at around 6:30 and 40 adults + 20 children later, i retreated up to the guest room we were staying in with both of the kids.
it was impossible to supervise that number of people and rather than continue my death grip on my kids in the corner, i did what any crazy mother having a panic attack would do...i bribed georgia to follow me upstairs. within the calm walls of my room, i began to relax and feel better. it took less than two minutes for the peach to ask 'what are we doing up here?' um...well, sweetie, we are just taking a little break and hanging out just the three of us. isnt this fun? 'no mama, i want to go play chase with the kids downstairs'. okay, honey we could do that or we could put on makeup! perfect. yes, i was clearly desperate, but at least i wasnt trying to catch my breath. so, makeup it was. and lotion. and jewelry. and before i knew it, the families cleared (those pesky bedtimes kept the night short) and i was able to spend the rest of the evening with my friends without white knuckles hanging onto my kiddos.
it was impossible to supervise that number of people and rather than continue my death grip on my kids in the corner, i did what any crazy mother having a panic attack would do...i bribed georgia to follow me upstairs. within the calm walls of my room, i began to relax and feel better. it took less than two minutes for the peach to ask 'what are we doing up here?' um...well, sweetie, we are just taking a little break and hanging out just the three of us. isnt this fun? 'no mama, i want to go play chase with the kids downstairs'. okay, honey we could do that or we could put on makeup! perfect. yes, i was clearly desperate, but at least i wasnt trying to catch my breath. so, makeup it was. and lotion. and jewelry. and before i knew it, the families cleared (those pesky bedtimes kept the night short) and i was able to spend the rest of the evening with my friends without white knuckles hanging onto my kiddos.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
thank you...
i was talking to your sister the other day about a few things and it occurred to me that there may be something you need to know. something lost in the translation of our days as we swap stories and laughs and struggles. and while it may be hard to believe in light of my uncanny ability to over dramatize as easily as i can over simplify, there is something within me that i feel i may have forgotten to tell you. and i will try and articulate it in a way that adequately carries the weight of my words from my heart to yours. i will try and help you to see it, to feel it and most importantly to know it as well as you know the freckles on my hand or the way i take my coffee.
thank you. thank you for making it possible for me to be the one to care for our little ones. for affording me the luxury of time at home while they are home. it is such a short amount of time, these years before school and friends and activities pull them out the door and we are left wishing for more of them. of their time. of even meeting all of their needs. so in the midst of my days, as monotonous and sometimes challenging as they can be, thank you. they are my days, our days, these little people and i. and i am grateful. thankful from my tired eyes to my tired toes that you, in your wisdom, in your love and in your encouraging way not only make it possible for me to stay home, but support it with your words, with your actions, with your ways. so thank you.
and i understand this may be a newsflash to you, something i have been horribly negligent in conveying. and it may be hard to wrap your brain around, to truly believe (especially on those days when ive perfected the art of unloading the days worries on you) but believe me when i tell you that you have given me more than i could have ever hoped for. this life, this time, these days filled with runny noses and babies that need to be held, lunches that need to be made and naps that need to be taken. the hugs, kisses, snuggles and correction given out countless times everyday would not be traded for anything. nothing. there is nothing i would rather be doing than what you are enabling me to do everyday. so thank you.
when i am exhausted and complain my greatest accomplishment was brushing my teeth and finishing laundry, i am exaggerating. because our daughter has manners. and our baby is happy and i couldnt really ask to accomplish anything more. you dont really understand the sense of being overwhelmed by children, nor do you understand the unspeakable joy of actually completing a total to do list...with two happy children, but you pretend to. you celebrate all of our good days and empathize with the more challenging ones. you encourage me more than you know with your words of affirmation as i try to teach and reach the hearts of our precious children. this job, this gift of full time motherhood, this miracle really of raising children is the one thing i want to do right. the thing i want to excel at most. and you, wonderful you, make me feel like i can and like i am. and regardless of how you really feel, you have me convinced that the calling i feel on my life to stay at home with these children is a call worth answering. you make me feel more than willing. you make me feel capable. regardless of the day, i know i am serving and living with purpose. so thank you.
this life at home full of sticky fingers and wet kisses, messy floors and faces and countless splashes of joy is more than i could have hoped for or dreamt of when we began so many years ago. so thank you. thank you for making my dreams come true. i should have told you sooner.
thank you. thank you for making it possible for me to be the one to care for our little ones. for affording me the luxury of time at home while they are home. it is such a short amount of time, these years before school and friends and activities pull them out the door and we are left wishing for more of them. of their time. of even meeting all of their needs. so in the midst of my days, as monotonous and sometimes challenging as they can be, thank you. they are my days, our days, these little people and i. and i am grateful. thankful from my tired eyes to my tired toes that you, in your wisdom, in your love and in your encouraging way not only make it possible for me to stay home, but support it with your words, with your actions, with your ways. so thank you.
and i understand this may be a newsflash to you, something i have been horribly negligent in conveying. and it may be hard to wrap your brain around, to truly believe (especially on those days when ive perfected the art of unloading the days worries on you) but believe me when i tell you that you have given me more than i could have ever hoped for. this life, this time, these days filled with runny noses and babies that need to be held, lunches that need to be made and naps that need to be taken. the hugs, kisses, snuggles and correction given out countless times everyday would not be traded for anything. nothing. there is nothing i would rather be doing than what you are enabling me to do everyday. so thank you.
when i am exhausted and complain my greatest accomplishment was brushing my teeth and finishing laundry, i am exaggerating. because our daughter has manners. and our baby is happy and i couldnt really ask to accomplish anything more. you dont really understand the sense of being overwhelmed by children, nor do you understand the unspeakable joy of actually completing a total to do list...with two happy children, but you pretend to. you celebrate all of our good days and empathize with the more challenging ones. you encourage me more than you know with your words of affirmation as i try to teach and reach the hearts of our precious children. this job, this gift of full time motherhood, this miracle really of raising children is the one thing i want to do right. the thing i want to excel at most. and you, wonderful you, make me feel like i can and like i am. and regardless of how you really feel, you have me convinced that the calling i feel on my life to stay at home with these children is a call worth answering. you make me feel more than willing. you make me feel capable. regardless of the day, i know i am serving and living with purpose. so thank you.
this life at home full of sticky fingers and wet kisses, messy floors and faces and countless splashes of joy is more than i could have hoped for or dreamt of when we began so many years ago. so thank you. thank you for making my dreams come true. i should have told you sooner.
Monday, December 08, 2008
mama told me...
there would be days like this. days where you rushed into the shower for the first time in 2 days only to realize afterwards that in your haste to finish while baby screamed and toddler stood guard asking a relentless series of questions regarding said shower that you forgot to rinse the conditioner from your locks. now you look like a shaved version of you only with incredibly greasy hair. you hop effortlessly back into the shower with mascara left from the night before streaming down your face to rinse the conditioner out.
after uber relaxing shower, you manage to remove the alice cooper look only to replace it with that liquid liner you just had to buy last week at macys against all reasonable and better judgment...(why is it that when you are feeling the yuckiest, ie, 10 lbs heavy you think its time to experiment with hair/makeup/wardrobe?? as if lining your eyes and cutting your hair will somehow distract you from the discomfort of your jeans...) anyway, liquid liner does look great when that smokin hot professional make up artist applies it. looks a little less great when frazzled under slept and over caffeinated in a rush and completely distracted mama does it...gk even mentioned, mama, what are you doing with your face? thanks, babe.
its onto feeding the baby, packing the back pack and heading to preschool. thank goodness wednesday is a half day so i dont have to pack lunch for the peach. what a relief to have those extra few minutes...except, georgia goes to school on tuesday...which i remembered when i walked in and saw all the responsible parents carrying lunch boxes packed with im sure well balanced super nutritious lunches. its one thing for the people that know me to see my imperfections (which are plenty and hard to miss) its a totally different story when strangers see me fail...and i know its just a lunch and i know others have certainly felt this inadequate, but i have a thing with appearing irresponsible and negligent to people who dont know me. more on that major issue in another post...
so, wonder woman who runs the show at the preschool offers to save the day and grab my kid a happy meal for lunch. perhaps she senses the tone of my day as i bend down to retrieve wallet out of 50 lb diaper bag only to have it slide off my shoulder and slam into sleeping infants face. nice. hungry 2 year old? check. screaming infant? check. sweating, fumbling dotted liquid liner mommy? check.
relieved to have one child in responsible care for a few hours, i head out for a bit of retail therapy...ie rushed errands with just one kid. this turns into me bouncing a crying baby in some aisle where im sure i could find something to buy if i wasnt completely preoccupied with the crying baby. this would be a good time to mention that jack has almost convinced me that any area of our floor and surface of his crib/cradle/swing/bouncy seat/activity mat potentially has an electrical current flowing through it. it seems the only safe place current free is in my arms. which is good, because ive found its hard to open up the tub of ice cream and eat it with one hand...however, super easy to dip chips and salsa..so i digress.
with errands complete and one child nursed (in a display chair at target...i NEVER thought i would be THAT woman) i call it a day. the rest of the afternoon unfolds as seamlessly as the morning and in the craziness of the day i manage to finally put jack down for a nap in his crib. what a success...he sleeps out of my arms for 7 whole minutes!! woo hoo.
so, im spent. worn out after doing virtually nothing..didnt even pack the lunch. but, in the midst of it all, georgia starts naming off all of her friends from school. when i ask her who her bestest friend is, without hesitation she answers, 'you, mommy, you are'. please give me more days like this where i can rush and fail and endure the frenzy and at the end of it all have it all.
after uber relaxing shower, you manage to remove the alice cooper look only to replace it with that liquid liner you just had to buy last week at macys against all reasonable and better judgment...(why is it that when you are feeling the yuckiest, ie, 10 lbs heavy you think its time to experiment with hair/makeup/wardrobe?? as if lining your eyes and cutting your hair will somehow distract you from the discomfort of your jeans...) anyway, liquid liner does look great when that smokin hot professional make up artist applies it. looks a little less great when frazzled under slept and over caffeinated in a rush and completely distracted mama does it...gk even mentioned, mama, what are you doing with your face? thanks, babe.
its onto feeding the baby, packing the back pack and heading to preschool. thank goodness wednesday is a half day so i dont have to pack lunch for the peach. what a relief to have those extra few minutes...except, georgia goes to school on tuesday...which i remembered when i walked in and saw all the responsible parents carrying lunch boxes packed with im sure well balanced super nutritious lunches. its one thing for the people that know me to see my imperfections (which are plenty and hard to miss) its a totally different story when strangers see me fail...and i know its just a lunch and i know others have certainly felt this inadequate, but i have a thing with appearing irresponsible and negligent to people who dont know me. more on that major issue in another post...
so, wonder woman who runs the show at the preschool offers to save the day and grab my kid a happy meal for lunch. perhaps she senses the tone of my day as i bend down to retrieve wallet out of 50 lb diaper bag only to have it slide off my shoulder and slam into sleeping infants face. nice. hungry 2 year old? check. screaming infant? check. sweating, fumbling dotted liquid liner mommy? check.
relieved to have one child in responsible care for a few hours, i head out for a bit of retail therapy...ie rushed errands with just one kid. this turns into me bouncing a crying baby in some aisle where im sure i could find something to buy if i wasnt completely preoccupied with the crying baby. this would be a good time to mention that jack has almost convinced me that any area of our floor and surface of his crib/cradle/swing/bouncy seat/activity mat potentially has an electrical current flowing through it. it seems the only safe place current free is in my arms. which is good, because ive found its hard to open up the tub of ice cream and eat it with one hand...however, super easy to dip chips and salsa..so i digress.
with errands complete and one child nursed (in a display chair at target...i NEVER thought i would be THAT woman) i call it a day. the rest of the afternoon unfolds as seamlessly as the morning and in the craziness of the day i manage to finally put jack down for a nap in his crib. what a success...he sleeps out of my arms for 7 whole minutes!! woo hoo.
so, im spent. worn out after doing virtually nothing..didnt even pack the lunch. but, in the midst of it all, georgia starts naming off all of her friends from school. when i ask her who her bestest friend is, without hesitation she answers, 'you, mommy, you are'. please give me more days like this where i can rush and fail and endure the frenzy and at the end of it all have it all.
Monday, December 01, 2008
excuses and exhaustion
we have been lucky. unbelievably lucky according to some. gk has been in a toddler bed, free of the baby jail known as a crib for nearly 4 months. without even the threat of invisible crocodiles on her floor or an electric wire, she has NEVER gotten out of her bed. until this week. now we have a 2 month old sleeping beautifully through the night and a 2 year old wearing us down like tire treads at indy. last night, her reasons (LAME excuses) for getting out of her bed were as follows::
1. i was just coming in to check on mommy...how thoughtful, if you really cared about your mommy your arse would be in your bed allowing her to get some much needed rest...the kind of rest that gives her the patience you have come to expect over the last couple of years.
2. i really dont like the scary shadows in my room, can you turn off my night light so they go away?...shadows are not scary, they are evidence that all the stuff you love to play with remains in your room even while youre sleeping, ready and waiting for you to wake up...
3. i really dont like the scary dark, can you turn on my night light so i can see?...this is the same light that creates those shadows...how about you just close your eyes when you see something you dont like?
4. i just wanted to come and snugoool....and on saturday morning after 8, you are more than welcome to climb into bed and snugool...however, at 5:20 am, snuggling is not an option for ANYONE in this bed.
5. um, i dont like my rocking horse looking at me...first of all, i dont think hes really looking at you, his head is facing down. second of all hes been in your room since december 26th 2006...its a little late to start faking fear of this one.
6. could you move my dresser into the hallway please? its just too big and scary...okay, remember the big guys who dripped sweat all over it carrying it up the stairs into your room? its not moving until they come back.
7. i have snots and need a tissue...this is legit. take the tissue to bed and use it until it can be squeezed like a towel. do not call for us until snot drips from it.
so, today, again im still caffeinating at 2:42 in the afternoon after a long night of sheer craziness. any and all suggestions are appreciated...there is nothing we wont consider at this point.
1. i was just coming in to check on mommy...how thoughtful, if you really cared about your mommy your arse would be in your bed allowing her to get some much needed rest...the kind of rest that gives her the patience you have come to expect over the last couple of years.
2. i really dont like the scary shadows in my room, can you turn off my night light so they go away?...shadows are not scary, they are evidence that all the stuff you love to play with remains in your room even while youre sleeping, ready and waiting for you to wake up...
3. i really dont like the scary dark, can you turn on my night light so i can see?...this is the same light that creates those shadows...how about you just close your eyes when you see something you dont like?
4. i just wanted to come and snugoool....and on saturday morning after 8, you are more than welcome to climb into bed and snugool...however, at 5:20 am, snuggling is not an option for ANYONE in this bed.
5. um, i dont like my rocking horse looking at me...first of all, i dont think hes really looking at you, his head is facing down. second of all hes been in your room since december 26th 2006...its a little late to start faking fear of this one.
6. could you move my dresser into the hallway please? its just too big and scary...okay, remember the big guys who dripped sweat all over it carrying it up the stairs into your room? its not moving until they come back.
7. i have snots and need a tissue...this is legit. take the tissue to bed and use it until it can be squeezed like a towel. do not call for us until snot drips from it.
so, today, again im still caffeinating at 2:42 in the afternoon after a long night of sheer craziness. any and all suggestions are appreciated...there is nothing we wont consider at this point.
Monday, November 24, 2008
giving thanks
i love this time of year and all that it entails...i could do without the excessive commercialism that kicks off the day after halloween, but ive become an expert at ignoring that. i love the effort we make to spend these holidays with family and friends regardless of the distance and the questions it has sparked within our little peach as we talk about all that we have and are thankful for. ive been challenged by my friend to fast for a period of time this season to remind myself what real hunger and want feels like at a time when everything to include great meals seem to flow in excess. to briefly experience a fraction of the suffering that millions live and die with everyday. and to reflect on the multitude of blessings that define my existence.
i heard a great message this sunday at church, one that is worth sharing and meditating on. real gratitude is not dictated by our circumstances, but rather Gods presence in them. living that out would mean our gratefulness wouldnt shift or change. ever. not during the moments when we are healthy and loved nor when we are grieving and alone. imagine if we all lived that out. imagine how different our days would look. how different our hearts would look. imagine if we really just lived a life of gratitude to God simply because we believed Him when He promised to never leave us. to trust and accept that in spite of where we are, we are always close to Him. what if we chose to obey Him when He commanded us to give thanks in everything. not everything joyful. not everything pleasant. simply everything. how amazing would it be to experience that kind of gratitude. it would be impossible to overlook that kind of life. it would be impossible to ignore. it would be so counter to what the norm is, it couldnt help but be significant and even life changing for those around you. it is what i long for. a life lived with significance, with grace and humility, courage and hope and above all, gratitude.
i heard a great message this sunday at church, one that is worth sharing and meditating on. real gratitude is not dictated by our circumstances, but rather Gods presence in them. living that out would mean our gratefulness wouldnt shift or change. ever. not during the moments when we are healthy and loved nor when we are grieving and alone. imagine if we all lived that out. imagine how different our days would look. how different our hearts would look. imagine if we really just lived a life of gratitude to God simply because we believed Him when He promised to never leave us. to trust and accept that in spite of where we are, we are always close to Him. what if we chose to obey Him when He commanded us to give thanks in everything. not everything joyful. not everything pleasant. simply everything. how amazing would it be to experience that kind of gratitude. it would be impossible to overlook that kind of life. it would be impossible to ignore. it would be so counter to what the norm is, it couldnt help but be significant and even life changing for those around you. it is what i long for. a life lived with significance, with grace and humility, courage and hope and above all, gratitude.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
victory
you know youre life has taken a turn when your new moment of victory is not dropping an expletive when your two year old pulls back her toe nail and says, 'look, mommy, i have an owie...see it goes all the way back like this'. aaaaahhhhhh.
and this would not be the only noteworthy victory from the week...patrick and i pulled off a heist worthy of a james bond flick by extracting two pacis guarded as well as fort knox with just a little help from the paci fairy. oh yes. the withdrawal has been slightly better than a heroin addict in detox. no shakes or sweats, but a plethora of well thought out questions by our interrogator. the best was the first night of 'operation paci-free' when said interrogator summoned us to her room moments after bedtime to inform us that she was in fact in fear of the legendary paci fairy...that she 'wears a big hat and opens her mouth wide like a cow but doesnt say moo and thats scary'. i promise i did no drugs during my pregnancy. patrick assured her the paci fairy was rather small, had hands to drop gifts with and wings to fly away with. no big hats, big open mouths and nothing to be scared of. we are now 5 days paci free and while i dont need to stand on a ship with a crowd, i will happily hang a 'mission accomplished' sign and toast yet another significant victory.
and this would not be the only noteworthy victory from the week...patrick and i pulled off a heist worthy of a james bond flick by extracting two pacis guarded as well as fort knox with just a little help from the paci fairy. oh yes. the withdrawal has been slightly better than a heroin addict in detox. no shakes or sweats, but a plethora of well thought out questions by our interrogator. the best was the first night of 'operation paci-free' when said interrogator summoned us to her room moments after bedtime to inform us that she was in fact in fear of the legendary paci fairy...that she 'wears a big hat and opens her mouth wide like a cow but doesnt say moo and thats scary'. i promise i did no drugs during my pregnancy. patrick assured her the paci fairy was rather small, had hands to drop gifts with and wings to fly away with. no big hats, big open mouths and nothing to be scared of. we are now 5 days paci free and while i dont need to stand on a ship with a crowd, i will happily hang a 'mission accomplished' sign and toast yet another significant victory.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
a few observations
after spending the night watching entirely too much election coverage, i had a few quick observations about a few things i saw...this list may grow in the upcoming days.
1. was it just me or did mccain deliver the best speech of his campaign last night? it was nice of his speech writer to truly save the best for dead last.
2. did anyone else find if somewhat funny to hear obama scaling back a wee bit during his first speech as the president elect, offering a refreshing and rare dose of reality with phrases like 'it may not happen in the first term' and 'the government cannot fix everything'. really? i was saying the same thing during so many of his speeches as wild and unrealistic promises were being made...i was half expecting him to recruit david blane to help him walk on water to take the podium and offer free ice cream on sundays throughout all the land.
3. colin powell crying as he spoke of obamas election:: understandable
70 year old black woman weeping at the news:: completely understandable
19 year old white college kid breaking out into dance in the streets playing a bongo drum with tears streaming down her face:: please put the pipe down.
4. giddy man waving a gay rights flag with a peace sign on it in times square...um, obama is not a homosexual pacifist but if you start now you may be able to convince lance bass to run in 2012.
i know there are more, but even i have reached my saturation point for today...more to come as it wears off.
1. was it just me or did mccain deliver the best speech of his campaign last night? it was nice of his speech writer to truly save the best for dead last.
2. did anyone else find if somewhat funny to hear obama scaling back a wee bit during his first speech as the president elect, offering a refreshing and rare dose of reality with phrases like 'it may not happen in the first term' and 'the government cannot fix everything'. really? i was saying the same thing during so many of his speeches as wild and unrealistic promises were being made...i was half expecting him to recruit david blane to help him walk on water to take the podium and offer free ice cream on sundays throughout all the land.
3. colin powell crying as he spoke of obamas election:: understandable
70 year old black woman weeping at the news:: completely understandable
19 year old white college kid breaking out into dance in the streets playing a bongo drum with tears streaming down her face:: please put the pipe down.
4. giddy man waving a gay rights flag with a peace sign on it in times square...um, obama is not a homosexual pacifist but if you start now you may be able to convince lance bass to run in 2012.
i know there are more, but even i have reached my saturation point for today...more to come as it wears off.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
the fairytale today
last week we took a family drive after an afternoon spent at a local lake. i had been wanting to take this drive almost since we knew we were moving to virginia and with the leaves creating an ever changing tapestry, i thought it was a good time to go back. back to a place that holds countless memories for me. a place where i spent thousands of hours and rarely missed a day visiting over the course of the five years i spent here years ago. rarely a day goes by that i dont think of some aspect of this place and how it shaped me, the things i learned there and the people i knew. i began riding when i got my first pony at the age of 6. from 6 to 22, horses and riding were a part of my daily existence and the most exciting years were the ones spent here in northern virginia training and competing. i have missed it so much and yet know it isnt exactly feasible to pursue that part of my life anymore, at least not in the near term. and yet, i couldnt shake the longing to go back. to drive out to the stables that were a second home to me for so many years.
with my new life in tow, we made the drive only to discover that it is in fact still there, still operating and still looking virtually the exact same way it did when i drove away from it hauling my horses for the last time down that long drive as i moved to the midwest. in the indoor arena, there was even a young girl working a horse that looked just like mine. i couldnt help but stop and watch, count strides and remember the feeling of being that girl. as we drove away pat commented, 'no wonder you have a warped sense of things...you lived in a fairytale'. he was joking and yet not. and its true. while my life has been no fairytale, this part of my upbringing was magical. it was altogether perfect and i missed it. the whole thing. i never thought for a moment that i would spend a day absent from it and the joy it brought me. mornings spent surrounded by the smell of a barn, evenings spent oiling leather and packing for shows. hours upon hours sharing the excitement and fun of competing with my parents at the side of the ring. and yet, this huge part of me is now a part of my past.
on the drive home i couldnt help but wonder what i am missing now. what part of my present life is so magical and so temporal that i wont grasp its greatness until the moments are part of my past? perhaps its the tiny hands that reach for mine when i least expect it or the first smiles of a sweet baby in the wee hours of the morning. maybe its the questions that seem to exhaust me by the days end but never fail to make me smile. it could be the luxury of time with a husband that i know is fleeting or the eyes that ask to snuggle for a few minutes after naps. i dont know how many magical moments God is giving me on a daily basis that i am missing, but i dont want to one day look back longingly wishing for more of them when i am unknowingly swimming in a sea of them right now.
today, this afternoon, i am opening up my self and my soul to the abundant joy He has given me in the present. not the excitement of the past or the anticipation of the future, but the happiness and contentment in today. i will hang onto the coattails of time and beg it to slow down. to slow down for tiny hands and loving glances, for new smiles and wet kisses, for honest questions and insatiable curiosity and for the chance to recognize and embrace all of the magic in the seemingly mundane fairytale i am living.
with my new life in tow, we made the drive only to discover that it is in fact still there, still operating and still looking virtually the exact same way it did when i drove away from it hauling my horses for the last time down that long drive as i moved to the midwest. in the indoor arena, there was even a young girl working a horse that looked just like mine. i couldnt help but stop and watch, count strides and remember the feeling of being that girl. as we drove away pat commented, 'no wonder you have a warped sense of things...you lived in a fairytale'. he was joking and yet not. and its true. while my life has been no fairytale, this part of my upbringing was magical. it was altogether perfect and i missed it. the whole thing. i never thought for a moment that i would spend a day absent from it and the joy it brought me. mornings spent surrounded by the smell of a barn, evenings spent oiling leather and packing for shows. hours upon hours sharing the excitement and fun of competing with my parents at the side of the ring. and yet, this huge part of me is now a part of my past.
on the drive home i couldnt help but wonder what i am missing now. what part of my present life is so magical and so temporal that i wont grasp its greatness until the moments are part of my past? perhaps its the tiny hands that reach for mine when i least expect it or the first smiles of a sweet baby in the wee hours of the morning. maybe its the questions that seem to exhaust me by the days end but never fail to make me smile. it could be the luxury of time with a husband that i know is fleeting or the eyes that ask to snuggle for a few minutes after naps. i dont know how many magical moments God is giving me on a daily basis that i am missing, but i dont want to one day look back longingly wishing for more of them when i am unknowingly swimming in a sea of them right now.
today, this afternoon, i am opening up my self and my soul to the abundant joy He has given me in the present. not the excitement of the past or the anticipation of the future, but the happiness and contentment in today. i will hang onto the coattails of time and beg it to slow down. to slow down for tiny hands and loving glances, for new smiles and wet kisses, for honest questions and insatiable curiosity and for the chance to recognize and embrace all of the magic in the seemingly mundane fairytale i am living.
Monday, October 27, 2008
making friends and marking territory
the other night our neighbor, being super nice and neighborly kindly lugged all of our trash that had not been picked up that day and brought it back from the curb for us to put out a couple of days later. this was no small task as we have been in the process of purging everything from light fixtures to boxes to full length mirrors (dont ask).
feeling grateful, i threw some cookies in the oven and sent pat and the peach over with a 6 pack of beer and warm cookies. thanks neighbor.
fifteen minutes later, the front door opens and i hear the smallest and sweetest of voices saying 'i had an accident, but daddy says ill get cleaned up and its no big deal.'
hmm. i had a moment where i briefly thought/hoped/prayed the accident meant spilled juice or melted cookie on a dress, but deep down i knew that would have been referred to as a mess, not an accident. gk and her daddy carefully climbed the steps into the living room and she proceeded to tell me in great detail that while next door, she had to go potty (and not knowing where the potty was) she opted for a pile of toys in the living room. 'i just went like this' she explained while spreading her legs hip width apart, 'just like this on the toys'.
ohhh. thats really all i could muster while trying not to laugh an all consuming laugh of amusement and pure embarrassment. i glanced at pat and thanked him for saying all the right things. this is a child who has made the potty training saga a virtual breeze and i dont want her to ever feel reprimanded or embarrassed because there was an accident. what significant accomplishment ever comes without a few setbacks?
'so, im going to go upstairs and get cleaned up and get my jammies on now'. and with that she exited stage right up the stairs with her dad following behind. a few minutes later she appeared again on the stairs and i thought id ask about something other than the accident...'so, georgia, what else did you do at our neighbors house?' 'mommy, member, i told you, i just peed on all their toys.' the speechless mommy took over and so she proceeded to repeat it again for me.
great. enough of that conversation. hope the cookies and beer were were good. next time we'll take over resolve, towels and a change of clothes.
feeling grateful, i threw some cookies in the oven and sent pat and the peach over with a 6 pack of beer and warm cookies. thanks neighbor.
fifteen minutes later, the front door opens and i hear the smallest and sweetest of voices saying 'i had an accident, but daddy says ill get cleaned up and its no big deal.'
hmm. i had a moment where i briefly thought/hoped/prayed the accident meant spilled juice or melted cookie on a dress, but deep down i knew that would have been referred to as a mess, not an accident. gk and her daddy carefully climbed the steps into the living room and she proceeded to tell me in great detail that while next door, she had to go potty (and not knowing where the potty was) she opted for a pile of toys in the living room. 'i just went like this' she explained while spreading her legs hip width apart, 'just like this on the toys'.
ohhh. thats really all i could muster while trying not to laugh an all consuming laugh of amusement and pure embarrassment. i glanced at pat and thanked him for saying all the right things. this is a child who has made the potty training saga a virtual breeze and i dont want her to ever feel reprimanded or embarrassed because there was an accident. what significant accomplishment ever comes without a few setbacks?
'so, im going to go upstairs and get cleaned up and get my jammies on now'. and with that she exited stage right up the stairs with her dad following behind. a few minutes later she appeared again on the stairs and i thought id ask about something other than the accident...'so, georgia, what else did you do at our neighbors house?' 'mommy, member, i told you, i just peed on all their toys.' the speechless mommy took over and so she proceeded to repeat it again for me.
great. enough of that conversation. hope the cookies and beer were were good. next time we'll take over resolve, towels and a change of clothes.
Friday, October 17, 2008
blah
so i mailed in my absentee ballot today because it is almost offensive to me as a woman when i hear of other women not exercizing this hard fought privilege. but...i am underwhelmed. its not that i dont care about our country, its present struggles or future challenges, i am a lover of this country and want whats best for it...its just that i still cant understand why my choices seemed so limited. so uninspiring. so blah. i realized i was more excited about the act of voting than i was who i was voting for. surely that shouldnt be the case, right? in a country where there is an abundance of great ideas, brilliant minds and strong leaders i am still baffled at how it came down to these guys. let me just say, that one guy is an inspiring speaker with great vision and a strong message and that other guy is a man that i believe exemplifies what it means to put service to others before self and striving to live a life of integrity even while making mistakes along the way. both, i believe, are well intentioned men, wanting what they believe is best for this great nation. its not that i dont like these candidates...i would love having a drink and great conversation with each of them. im just not all that enthusiastic about either of them being our president. but, i filled in my circles, cast my vote and let my one small voice be heard and while i dont typically dispense advice from here, i really think you should too.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
moment of truth
there comes a point in every new mothers life when she must face none other than herself in a full length mirror without the safety of soft lighting and security and now well fitting maternity clothes (who knew even the darling huge tents you purchased at month 2 never believing you would actually fill them out would eventually be cutting off circulation and sliding off your mountainous belly by delivery) and acknowledge once and for all what they mean by 'baby weight'. what they really mean is everything in addition to the insignificant 8 lbs you drop by downloading precious life during delivery. the rest is what i call 'ben & jerrys' weight. we could all fill in the blank...for some it was bagels with mounds of cream cheese, others an endless supply of grilled cheese. but for me, it was dublin mudslide or peach cobbler by my favorite two vermontans (yes, i know thats not a word). and so, yesterday, against my better judgment (a completely overrated part of my self anyway) i did it.
after showering, i decided my moment of truth had arrived. while i knew it wasnt going to be pleasant (after all, what part of this entire process really is?) it was necessary. as necessary as my sick sacks for puking in public places and my epidural. so, in an instant, i dropped the towel and peeked. it is an image that is permanently seared in my mind. i will not go into details... most of you really dont want them anyway, but suffice it to say, things have changed. a lot. so, sopping wet, with milk dripping and mascara running i owned the months of ben and jerrys and now have a starting point. my first drastic measure is to stop wearing the now 'too big and uber comfortable' maternity pants. they give me a false sense of what really needs to be done as i have to continually pull them up. basically, anything with elastic needs to be off limits. unfortunately, i can hear my regular jeans laughing at me every time i even think about putting them on. but, put them (or more accurately pour them) on i will.
i picked my most forgiving pair. a roomy, stretchy pair by the brand seven that tends to be somewhat understanding of my current situation. i put my first foot through the leg and was pleasantly surprised it worked (as if my lower leg would really be the problem area). i pulled them up and while i did manage to pry them over my hips, i now had a button and a button hole a solid 4 inches from ever meeting. not to be deterred by logic or reality, i began pulling them together, willing them to meet again. and they did. barely. leaving me looking like jabba the hut in really nice jeans. how depressing. only my best friend suzy would issue this warning to patrick..."pat, put your safety goggles on, that button could pop at any given moment". ah yes. the truth teller. so, here i am elastic free with what im certain will be a permanent red mark around my waist. and im only mildly uncomfortable...just enough to remind me to put down the vanilla wafers and grab a carrot stick instead. the joys of motherhood....
after showering, i decided my moment of truth had arrived. while i knew it wasnt going to be pleasant (after all, what part of this entire process really is?) it was necessary. as necessary as my sick sacks for puking in public places and my epidural. so, in an instant, i dropped the towel and peeked. it is an image that is permanently seared in my mind. i will not go into details... most of you really dont want them anyway, but suffice it to say, things have changed. a lot. so, sopping wet, with milk dripping and mascara running i owned the months of ben and jerrys and now have a starting point. my first drastic measure is to stop wearing the now 'too big and uber comfortable' maternity pants. they give me a false sense of what really needs to be done as i have to continually pull them up. basically, anything with elastic needs to be off limits. unfortunately, i can hear my regular jeans laughing at me every time i even think about putting them on. but, put them (or more accurately pour them) on i will.
i picked my most forgiving pair. a roomy, stretchy pair by the brand seven that tends to be somewhat understanding of my current situation. i put my first foot through the leg and was pleasantly surprised it worked (as if my lower leg would really be the problem area). i pulled them up and while i did manage to pry them over my hips, i now had a button and a button hole a solid 4 inches from ever meeting. not to be deterred by logic or reality, i began pulling them together, willing them to meet again. and they did. barely. leaving me looking like jabba the hut in really nice jeans. how depressing. only my best friend suzy would issue this warning to patrick..."pat, put your safety goggles on, that button could pop at any given moment". ah yes. the truth teller. so, here i am elastic free with what im certain will be a permanent red mark around my waist. and im only mildly uncomfortable...just enough to remind me to put down the vanilla wafers and grab a carrot stick instead. the joys of motherhood....
Saturday, September 13, 2008
48 hours and counting
i am about 2 days out from delivering baby boy and while catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror realized that by all accounts, my face looks like its just 2 marshmallows away from winning a game of 'chubby bunny' or was it 'fluffy bunny'? either way, i am ready. and big.
Monday, September 08, 2008
i updated my facebook profile this week under the 'religion' subtitle. i had been reluctant to put anything on there as ive always struggled with how to sum up my faith journey in a word or two. realizing that with anything i throw out there, i will be immediately grouped in, categorized and affiliated with the first thing that comes to the mind of the one reading it, i am hesitant at best to offer up my thoughts. and over the past few years, in light of how many 'christians' have put themselves out there in a way i would not want to be associated with, i am hesitant to join in. i guess its the same reason why under 'political views', i listed 'i have some'. it just seems safer than being judged by a few catch phrases and labels that really seem to define opinions in black and white when i seem to see the majority of my world in varying shades of gray.
but, i bit the bullet, went out on a limb and put under religion, 'asking questions while pursuing Jesus'. it seems to best fit where ive been, where i am and where i am hopefully headed on this journey of faith. its always hard for me to answer the question (most often directly poised by virtual strangers) 'what are you?' im not catholic, although there are certain things about the catholic church i admire and respect. im not just protestant, although every church ive attended would fall into that subcategory. i dont really subscribe to any one denomination in particular and tend to avoid any church that doesnt encourage and embrace serious questions about its beliefs.
i realized just this past week when georgia was asking me when she could see God, where she could see God and when He would be talking back to her...(she kept saying after praying, 'but i cant hear Him, mommy. maybe you could yell and then He would hear us') that i dont want to give her easy answers that i dont myself believe. i dont want to start the spoon feeding of 'religion' to her now only to have her wake up in 20 years and not have any idea why she believes what she believes. my hope is that sometimes, an honest answer of 'i dont know' will be enough. i dont know when she will see God, but i do know countless places she can witness His work, love, creativity and faithfulness. and i dont know how she will grow to discern the voice of God in her life, how He will choose to reveal Himself to her, but i know He left a great start at recognizing His voice in the Word.
i love her questions. and i love that i dont have the need to have all the answers. the truth is my faith has been changed, shifted, strengthened and solidified in those times when i had the biggest questions starting at the cornerstones and foundations of my beliefs. there are questions i have been afraid to ask of my God, and yet He is always faithful to lead me to a greater understanding and more personal relationship with Him during those times. i imagine there has to be some satisfaction for Him when another one of His children comes to Him, albeit at times timid, and asks a big one. as a great Teacher, Counselor, Father and Friend, im certain the God of the universe must get just a little bit of enjoyment in leading one of His own on a journey to answer some questions and ultimately solidify and strengthen their faith in Him. so, ill keep wrestling with aspects of my faith big and small and will hopefully not be afraid to encourage georgia to do the same as she grows up and is able to. i have a sincere faith in He, who promised to answer us truthfully when we honestly seek Him, to handle all of the questions she and i and anyone else may have.
but, i bit the bullet, went out on a limb and put under religion, 'asking questions while pursuing Jesus'. it seems to best fit where ive been, where i am and where i am hopefully headed on this journey of faith. its always hard for me to answer the question (most often directly poised by virtual strangers) 'what are you?' im not catholic, although there are certain things about the catholic church i admire and respect. im not just protestant, although every church ive attended would fall into that subcategory. i dont really subscribe to any one denomination in particular and tend to avoid any church that doesnt encourage and embrace serious questions about its beliefs.
i realized just this past week when georgia was asking me when she could see God, where she could see God and when He would be talking back to her...(she kept saying after praying, 'but i cant hear Him, mommy. maybe you could yell and then He would hear us') that i dont want to give her easy answers that i dont myself believe. i dont want to start the spoon feeding of 'religion' to her now only to have her wake up in 20 years and not have any idea why she believes what she believes. my hope is that sometimes, an honest answer of 'i dont know' will be enough. i dont know when she will see God, but i do know countless places she can witness His work, love, creativity and faithfulness. and i dont know how she will grow to discern the voice of God in her life, how He will choose to reveal Himself to her, but i know He left a great start at recognizing His voice in the Word.
i love her questions. and i love that i dont have the need to have all the answers. the truth is my faith has been changed, shifted, strengthened and solidified in those times when i had the biggest questions starting at the cornerstones and foundations of my beliefs. there are questions i have been afraid to ask of my God, and yet He is always faithful to lead me to a greater understanding and more personal relationship with Him during those times. i imagine there has to be some satisfaction for Him when another one of His children comes to Him, albeit at times timid, and asks a big one. as a great Teacher, Counselor, Father and Friend, im certain the God of the universe must get just a little bit of enjoyment in leading one of His own on a journey to answer some questions and ultimately solidify and strengthen their faith in Him. so, ill keep wrestling with aspects of my faith big and small and will hopefully not be afraid to encourage georgia to do the same as she grows up and is able to. i have a sincere faith in He, who promised to answer us truthfully when we honestly seek Him, to handle all of the questions she and i and anyone else may have.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
speechless
i will spare you all the examples of why we think georgia is brilliant...its unbelievably nauseating to hear people rave about their imagined genius children and we are no exception. however, i will say this...she is and has been very verbal...she likes to talk and seems to have a pretty advanced vocabulary...evidenced yet again last week when she told her pediatrician she was 'hilarious' when the nice doctor tried cracking a weak belly button joke. she talks incessantly about everything and is a huge fan of any and all topics that involve her.
last week, as we began camping in our new house, we had the delight of meeting some neighbors...seemingly great people with young children. while we chatted it up with small talk, gk ran in circles in the grass apparently happy to be outside in her new yard. i decided it was time to introduce our peach to our new neighbors...typically our introductions involve gk saying hello, its nice to meet you. this is how it went last week....
me: georgia, come and say hi to our new friends.
gk continuing to run in circles apparently not hearing me.
me: georgia, sweetie, come over and say hello.
gk pauses, kind of grunts and spins a few more times.
me: georgia, get over here right now.
gk kind of skips or hops to my side and looks at me as though this is the first time she has ever been called.
me: georgia, can you please say hello?
gk: grunts and says da-da
im a little surprised and wonder if shes playing some kind of game...
me: sweetie, say hi.
gk: da-da, da-da, da-da. ahhhhh.
me: can you please say its nice to meet you?
at this, our nice new neighbors are clearly amused and wondering what planet i must live on to think my grunting, babbling child can actually speak....
i offered up a half hearted uncomfortable laugh and released all of us from the awkward moment. i offered no further explanations and decided that over the course of time, they would come to know our peach and her gift of conversation. it clearly just wasnt going to be today.
last week, as we began camping in our new house, we had the delight of meeting some neighbors...seemingly great people with young children. while we chatted it up with small talk, gk ran in circles in the grass apparently happy to be outside in her new yard. i decided it was time to introduce our peach to our new neighbors...typically our introductions involve gk saying hello, its nice to meet you. this is how it went last week....
me: georgia, come and say hi to our new friends.
gk continuing to run in circles apparently not hearing me.
me: georgia, sweetie, come over and say hello.
gk pauses, kind of grunts and spins a few more times.
me: georgia, get over here right now.
gk kind of skips or hops to my side and looks at me as though this is the first time she has ever been called.
me: georgia, can you please say hello?
gk: grunts and says da-da
im a little surprised and wonder if shes playing some kind of game...
me: sweetie, say hi.
gk: da-da, da-da, da-da. ahhhhh.
me: can you please say its nice to meet you?
at this, our nice new neighbors are clearly amused and wondering what planet i must live on to think my grunting, babbling child can actually speak....
i offered up a half hearted uncomfortable laugh and released all of us from the awkward moment. i offered no further explanations and decided that over the course of time, they would come to know our peach and her gift of conversation. it clearly just wasnt going to be today.
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