gratitude and what not

i am a huge fan of gratitude in any and all forms. make a list, write a note, lift a prayer or tell a friend, just BE grateful. i am blogging this down today because lately i have been unbelievably homesick for the holidays (a post i started but decided in the end it read like a really lame spoiled kid missing the luxuries of home while surrounded by luxuries of a different kind) and opening every package that arrives with sappy tears followed by a pity party and sometimes even the ugly cry (oprah would be so proud). i typically am able to see the silver lining so to speak and readily point it out to others when needed and yet, here i am in korea with better half and peach for another joyous Christmas season and the only thing i seem to notice is my lack of decor (one tub accidentally got sent to storage), my lack of family (besides the above mentioned), and my lack of holiday traditions (although i have a new one...have i mentioned hazelnut dream?).

i went to chapel last night bitching almost incessantly about my cold (clearly ive been too healthy for too long if a cold is all it takes) and checked my watch as we sat down...this has become an annoying habit of mine that i intend to break by no longer wearing a watch to church and then i waited to get this church show on the road. this is the first base chapel that pat and i have ever attended and we have really begun to love it. it keeps us grateful as one scan of the pews reminds us that we are one of the few families that are not separated by this korea assignment. but last night, God, in His infinite wisdom and clarity stopped my "woe is me" train in its tracks. we have never been part of a church that was small enough to share prayer requests in the middle of the service, but here, at this small and intimate gathering of people who all have more than a few things in common, church starts with sharing needs.
here is what i remember::

1. pray for carol whose husband (my best friend) was blown up in iraq last month. she and her two young boys will be spending their first christmas without him.
2. pray for rose, my mother, who lost my father suddenly in an accident 3 months ago. while i am here, it is going to be a particularly lonely christmas for her.
3. pray for my childhood friend, andrea, who was less than 20 yards from the gunman at new life church in the foyer moments before he was shot dead by the security guard.
4. pray for my sister, tracey, who is unwed, 19 and pregnant. we are a family in crisis.
5. pray for tina and patrick, neighbors from a previous assignment who lost their baby girl as she slept last week.

so there it is. my moment when finally the tears i shed were legit. shed on behalf of families in crisis, of loved ones gripped by grief, of a brave young woman now mother, of loss and of loneliness and of gratitude. overwhelming and all consuming gratitude. who am i, that i should spend even a moment without pain? without grief? without suffering? who am i, that this Savior would come into the world in the most humble of ways, wailing and willing, covered in blood and yet sinless and pure bringing the gift, the grace, the hope and the joy of it all to mankind and to me? i will soak in this sea of gratitude and lift heartfelt prayers on behalf of those drowning in grief and despair. i will mark these names, carol, rose, andrea, tracey, tina and patrick in my memory and carry them with me through the upcoming weeks. if you have a moment, a second, a brief period when you can pause in the business of these weeks and remember them as well, i would be grateful. and if you know someone, a name that you would like me to add to my list, please pass them onto me. i will spend this season remembering the joy of it all, the significance of this holiday and the blessings that are too numerous to count but i will be mindful, prayerful and even tearful remembering those who at this time while surrounded by lights, carols and commercialism are covered in too many layers of grief, loneliness, uncertainty and fear to even notice. my hope is that this season of blessings received becomes one of lavish giving and tremendous gratitude.