big news

no. we are not expecting another baby at this moment in time and trust me you won't be hearing about it on our blog first when God willing it does happen some day. rather our big news is that we are in fact leaving south korea in july to head to the d.c. area for a year of school for better half. it was a really great surprise and while we knew it was a slim (emphasis on very slim) chance it would happen for so many reasons, we are thrilled. the military typically isnt hip with moving families back a year early after spending thousands of dollars to get us all the way over here, but suffice it to say, pat and i feel really excited and are looking forward to the change (the biggest which might be living in our car after doing some brief searches on homes and seeing the prices...which everyone continues to tell us are rapidly falling).

and with every move, every transition and every life change, God finds new ways to reveal pieces of myself to none other than myself. what i am beginning to fully understand about myself is that while i claim to love surprises, nothing in my life supports that claim. i had a similar realization about myself several years ago when in the midst of a 'discussion' with patrick, i blurted out that i thought i was laid back and began rattling off the proof when he, like those of you who know me just laughed. what was brought to my attention that night is that of course im laid back when my carefully laid plans are going perfectly according to plan and im mentally or literally checking off the details in my mind as they happen just as i had hoped and imagined. what i now know after having some truth sprinkled on me with the subtlety of a downpour is that i am in fact high strung and very unlikely to handle changes in my plans very well.

and as we waited for this news like waiting on the white sale at macys or gas prices to drop i realized how ridiculously impatient i am and how i loathe not knowing what will happen next. i am the girl at the movie who asks better half what he thinks will happen next and you can forget about getting through it with me if you have already seen the movie. i will be relentless in my questioning until you finally have revealed the conclusion. i have always been tempted to read the last chapter of a book first but now have only given myself permission to read the last sentence first, which i always inevitably forget sometime during the book, but this is a pattern with me that is fairly universal regardless of the situation. God is constantly reminding me to trust Him with the full picture of my life, but im reluctant to do that without seeing just a little more of the canvas He is painting. i can feel Him prompting me to have complete faith and peace without knowing His plans, but knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that His plans are better than what i can possibly imagine and that they always have been. He is generous in His love and His patience with me that in spite of my strong desire to know what is happening before I give total trust to Him, He continues to bless us mightily and grow my faith.

when we were waiting and wondering what would happen with our assignment here and i would talk to people and answer the common question of "do you want to go to korea?", i would answer initially that i was extremely excited to go for a year but really did not want to think about being there two years. after a month of these conversations, God very clearly told me that i was to be excited about either possibility. that my happiness and contentment was not contingent upon my hopeful plan of one year, but in whatever His plan was for us. it became clear that my contentment and happiness could not be contingent upon my plans coming to fruition. that if He chose to keep us here two years, i should be even more excited because His plans are always better and knowing His great love for us, He must have exciting reasons to keep us for that second year. from the moment that i felt that prompting from Him, i tried to obey and have a spirit that was content with the outcome without knowing what it would be. it was and is a struggle. there were moments that my whole heart felt that peace and there were days that it did not. because of my nature, i have to remind myself daily to patiently wait upon His plans for me with great expectations and peace of what He is going to do next. this is so much easier said than done, but as i stayed up until 2 am last night finishing love in the time of cholera and read the last page, having completely forgotten what it said when i started the book days ago, i realized how much better the ending was because i didnt remember what it was. how the anticipation of not knowing how it would end is what kept me up turning pages until the wee hours of the morning. and i think im figuring it out, this part of me that longs to know what next and the part of me that was willing to hang on last night in spite of the late hour and weary eyes just to get to the ending is the who i most want to be. willing to wait, turning the pages of my life expecting great things for the chapters ahead that have already been written by He who writes the best books.