shock

i have spent the last few days horrified and haunted. sickened and saddened. outraged and enraged. full of rage if im willing to be honest. i, like most of you have seen the news about the little girl in vegas, who at age 3 had her repeated rapes by a monster videotaped. and i cannot for the life of me stop thinking about her. about her past, about her present, about her future. about the scars, wounds and nightmares that she will carry with her every moment of every day for the rest of her life. about what she must think of men, of God and of herself. how the horror of what has happened to her will be the lens that she sees the rest of her life through. how every experience and every emotion will be tainted by the pain of her past. and i know our God is the great healer. and i know His power and His love can cover and heal her, but it cannot take it away from her and it cannot bring back the child that existed before that day.

my heart is heavy and my stomach is weak as i pray for this little one. and the millions of little ones who are daily victimized in the same way globally and i wonder if it will end. and i wonder if i can do something. anything. i can lift up my prayers to a God who listens, who compassionately hears what i am begging Him for. i can pray for His protection, for His intervention and for His justice. and there will be a day for His justice and there will even be a day for His grace, His mercy and subsequent forgiveness, but for now i want justice for this precious and broken little girl. i want this animal who is still on the loose and on the run to feel hunted and consumed with terrifying fear every second of every minute of every hour of everyday until he is found. i want him to be sick with the anticipation of what his justice will look like and when it will arrive. and i know that we are all capable of being redeemed and that no one is beyond His loving reach, that when He had nails in his hands and feet and blood on his beaten, broken body that it was for all of mankind, for even this man who was created by Him in His image, but i cannot stomach his sin and i cannot see beyond it. i want to have a heart that forgives, that offers grace and mercy and love and extends it all with the hope of being a glimpse of Christ to those who need Him most. but this? i seem to have found where my boundary is. the place where i cannot seem to go any further with this grace that has been given to me. maybe in time, God will soften and change me, make me more like Him, but that day is not today.

today at this moment, i simply desire justice, peace, healing, hope and protection for this angel and for the millions of victims of sexual abuse around the world and up our street. God is here and there and waiting for the moment when we are willing to be His hands and their voice and rescue them from their hell on earth and i am waiting and wondering what i can do besides lift a heartfelt prayer from my knees on behalf of these children from the safety and luxury of my home where i am healthy and secure and comfortably, conveniently removed. or so i think. what i really know to be true is that while this abuse happens in the shadows, there are shadows everywhere and until there is light willing and able to shine and save, it will continue to happen next door and thousands of miles away. and lives will be broken, childhoods lost, lies told, secrets kept and cries ignored until we are all willing to admit we can do something and indifferent is no longer who we are.

the Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit-psalms 34:18